Worthless
by Katnissxo
Summary: Lucy begins to suffer from an eating disorder, and she feels like Natsu has abandoned her. What happens when someone Lucy has been longing to see from her past turns up?
1. Chapter 1

Hi guys, I shouldn't be writing this since I have to finish my other story, but oh well. Hope you like it please R & R. Happy you're fish awaits:

Katnissxo does not own me Natsu Lucy or anyone else from Fairy tail, all she owns is this fanfic and many fish . Hiro Mashima is the true owner!

Thank you Happy here's a fish for you! Katnissxo

 **RATED M FOR SELF HARM AND EATING DISORDERS**

Lucy PoV

103.2 pounds. It was disgusting. I could practically see the fat bunched up around my stomach, my ribs barely showed and my thighs were giant, the voice in my head taunted me.

 _Lucy, Lucy, you actually thought you could eat something? Go ahead ,don't say I didn't warn you though. You're so fat already , who could ever love you like this? You're worthless, nothing but a burden to the world. So eat all you want you pig, even Natsu says it himself. "God Luce, your such a pig, can't you ever stop eating?"_

She was right. No one would ever love me, not like this fat, ugly, pig I was. I had to do something. Quickly I ran towards the toilet and leaned over, with two fingers down my throat I felt the revolting meal I had just eaten spill out my mouth. My fingers burned lightly, but it was painful.

And that was good.

Pain was good.

I deserved as much of it as possible

After rinsing my mouth and washing my hands, I turned back to the mirror. I was truly hideous, with greasy blonde hair and the red streaks across my upper thighs.

It was my secret. No one could ever know.

Normal POV

Lucy made her way to the guild after applying make up to hide the dark circles under her eyes, not that anyone would notice though, they would fall for the fake smile and cheerful personality without hesitation. The face she wore in front of everyone.

Except for one person. Except for _**him**_. She could trust _**him**_ , but he didn't know her any more.

Lucy stride into the guild and was ambushed by Natsu.

"LUCE!WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? NEVERMIND, I WANT TO INTRODUCE YOU TO SOMEONE!" Seeing her visibly flinch at the shouting he said,"sorry, but you have to meet her! Luce, this is Lisanna Strauss, Lisanna this is Lucy Heartfilia. The girl I told you about."

Something hit Natsu and he turned around finding the culprit to be his best frenemy Gray Fullbuster.

"You wanna fight ice princess?" He smirked and hurled a stream of fire at Gray. Thus began their daily fight.

Lucy ignored them and took in the image in front of her, a white haired girl, wearing a sky blue dress and white stilletos. She glared at Lucy and sneered, "so, you're Natsu's new "best friend"? I wouldn't get too used to it, after all you were only a distraction for him, whilst he waited for me to get here." The celestial mage looked shocked and was on the verge of tears, how dare this girl just waltz in and act as if she owned her best friend?

 _Well, have you seen how skinny she is? Of course Natsu would choose her over you, besides her hair doesn't look like a bird's nest._

Luce had an internal struggle, whether or not she should fight back to Lisanna. But she couldn't think of anything to say, so she just dumbly nodded her head and walked off, to talk to Mira.

Lucy Pov

"Hey Lucy, your usual?" She questioned. Why couldn't I be more like Mira she had the perfect body and it doesn't change no matter how much she eats.

Maybe I could eat something and work off all the-

 _DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. SAY NO TO HER RIGHT NOW YOU FAT, SORRY, EXCUSE OF A GIRL._

"No thanks Mira I had a large breakfast." I saw her give me a strange look. I remember telling her one day "no matter how much I eat I will always had space for a milkshake." Oh Mira, how the tables have turned. Feeling a growl in my stomach I decided that water would be okay. Well it would be great because it is healthy.

 _You may drink as much water as you want. Eat nothing else, pig. Don't you dare eat anything..._

There went the thought of dinner.

I love water, it has a comforting feel to it. Which is ironic, because Aquarius is the opposite of comforting. After ordering a water and downing it in two gulps, I decided to go find Natsu to see if he wanted to go on a mission.

"LUCHEEEEEE! You have to help! It's Natsu h-he kissed Lisanna's cheek!" I tried to keep a straight face, but after seeing how serious Happy was I burst into a fit of giggles. Deep down it hurt, to know that Natsu has replaced me;had found someone else. He wasn't mine to start with, but now my heart ached for someone different. I wished that I could see _**him,**_ he'd know what to do.

"Happy,it's okay that's what couples do." But by now Happy had angrily flown off after muttering "Stupid, fat Luce."

 _Even a flying cat thinks you're fat, great going. You know what you're going to do? You're gonna go to the gym and excersize._

But Natsu-

 _God how dumb can a blonde get, he replaced you, HE IS NOW GONG OUT WITH LISANNA! GET THE HELL OVER IT._

I blinked trying to clear the tears blocking my vision. And headed home. At home I forced myself to do a quick calorie burn workout and dunk 5 cups of water.

I waited for Natsu to crash in with Happy but they never turned up. Only then did it hit me. Natsu has replaced me.

It was true, and the truth hurt. Grabbing the blade from its secret hiding spot, I placed it to my oversized thighs and cut.

One for everything that was wrong.

He replaced me.

He doesn't love me.

I'm a fat pig.

I'm not pretty.

I'm weak.

I'm burden to everyone.

I still wanted _**him**_ back.

Scars old and new marred my thighs. None of my spirits new. If they did would they care, I wonder?

 _Of course not you're just a fat,burden they have to deal with. You control them._

Sobbing, I went to bed and fell asleep, whilst letting the pain subside.

The next morning I woke and weighed my self. 101.6 pounds. This became my routine for the next few weeks. I rarely went to the guild and instead worked on my novel. It would be another week until Levy and the others would get back. I took. Solo mission every 4 days and payed my rent, often ending up with extra. After 2 weeks and a day I was finally 90 pounds.

 _Don't you dare think you can relax or eat you're still really fat, you will be beautiful one day. Unfortunately fat pig no one cares, just go kill yourself..._

Hmmm not a bad idea. But how to do it. I decided to go and visit mama's grave before... Dying.

On the way leaving the flower shop I saw Lisanna and Natsu talking. Just talking. Had I rushed and assumed Natsu was going out with lisanna?! After all Lisanna had only gloated about being best friends.

 _He'll never want you, pig._

But I've changed- I'm skinny.

 _Whoever told you that ,because they were lying?_

I was so torn that I didn't see the car the swerved around the curb. I suddenly slipped and felt a pair of strong hands pull me out the way.

I opened my eyes and found deep blue ones staring back. I recognised my saviour immediately.

It was _**him.**_

— _ **-**_

 _ **Who is**_ _him_ _ **? And how does Lucy know him? Please review and sorry for any bad grammar or spelling mistakes. Any criticism is welcome too.**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hey everyone**_

 _ **Hope you guys are good, thank you to everyone who has followed/favourited or reviewed, Here's the next chapter. This story has mentions of Self harm and Eating disorders if you**_ _ **DON'T LIKE**_ _**these topics then DON'T READ. I would say don't do either of these but then I'd be a hypocrite, if you do self harm or have an eating disorder and need someone to talk to, I'm always here for you. Stay strong. I do not own Fairy tail or any of its characters.**_

 _ **Katxo**_

—

 _?Pov_

 _I walked along the streets of Fiore, on the way to a guild named fairy tail, it was all that was left of my past. As I turned around a corner and saw a frail looking blonde girl walking dangerously near the edge of the curb that a car was heading towards. I rushed towards her and grabbed her, just as it went past. I looked into her cerulean eyes. I instantly recognised them._

 _It was_ _ **her**_ _..._

 _The girl from my dreams..._

Lucy pov

I opened my eyes and found deep blue ones staring back. I recognised my saviour immediately.

It was **him**...

A strange look crossed is face and he furrowed his eyebrows.

"Sti-" I began, but he grabbed my wrist harshly and dragged me into a nearby alley before I could finish.

"Who are you?" He asked, almost angrily. I was beyond confused, he couldn't remember me, he shouldn't be able to."WHO ARE YOU?!" He asked more forcefully, but this time tears were glistening in his eyes,I replied,"Lucy, Lucy Heartfilia."

"Why? I feel like I know you, I used to didn't I? Didn't I? Answer me Lucy!" There was urgency in his voice and I could barely manage a nod, now tears were rolling down my face. When I lost him I lost a part of me. A part that Natsu had filled, but I couldn't fight it.

Everything.

All the smiles, words and laughter came flooding back, even though I had tried to lock it all away when I lost him.

Sting hugged me...

 **Sting POV**

"Why? I feel like I know you, I used to didn't I? Didn't I? Answer me Lucy!" She didn't respond, but the slight nod of her head and the tears where proof enough. All I could remember was a single memory. Me and Lucy being dragged apart, after which I could remember nothing.

I want to remember, who she is and what she means to me. I hugged her... She was so different. Her eyes seemed lifeless and she was so thin, must be a girl thing. When we pulled apart I noticed a pink guild mark on her hand, it was Fairy Tail. "Lucy, are you part of the Fairy Tail guild?" I asked. As she wiped her tears away, she replied,"Yes, why?" I could see her searching for a guild mark, "I want to join Fairy Tail," she looked overjoyed, as she took my hand and said,"I'll take you there right now."

Normal Pov

Lucy led Sting to the guild, silently. They were both deep in thought. When they reached the guild shouting and clanging could be heard, she warned Sting,"You might want to duck." When they headed inside they did indeed have to duck, as tables went flying and opposites clashed.

"We'll go see the master, then get your guild mark. Just watch out for the flying stuff," she giggled. Sting smiled and nodded. As the headed through the fight Lucy spotted Natsu with his arm around Lisanna and her good mood vanished, she frowned and looked down, Sting also looked in the same direction, but he didn't see Lucy's frown. He saw a white haired mage that he felt drawn to. Sting asked for a dark blue guild mark on his right shoulder, after which they headed downstairs.

The guild had calmed down a bit and Lucy introduced Sting to everyone. She leapt up onto a table and shouted,"OI, EVERYONE THIS IS STING HE'S A NEW MEMBER!" Lisanna secretively nudged the table she was standing on making her fall, both Natsu and Sting lunged to catch her, but Natsu was too late. The whole guild observed the scene unfold, but the pair were oblivious to Natsu's angry, frustrated face."Thanks Sting, I'm going home, do you want to come?" She said smiling."No thanks, I'm gonna stay for a while," he replied looking at Lisanna, with an unreadable expression. Lucy, clearly disappointed said,"okay, see you later." Then left.

Lucy PoV

 _You're so stupid Lucy, you actually thought he'd want to be with you, especially after how clingy you've been?_

Oh god, she's back. We've barely talked, I just thought he would want to catch up.

 _That's stupid, he didn't bother looking for you after all this time and you saw the way he looked at Lisanna. You know what you have to do if you actually want him to like you, don't you? You can't eat, I know about that stash of sweets under the floorboard._

I entered the bathroom and stuck two fingers down my throat. The pain welcomed me back to reality, and I weighed myself. 85lbs.

 _God can you do anything right?_

It's silly really, to do this because of... Natsu, Lisanna, Sting...

 _Don't blame them because you're ugly Lucy, I mean fatsy._

I'd actually believed he liked me, after all this time, she was right. I took my blade out and began to cut.

1 He's back

2 He doesn't remember

3 He likes Lisanna

4 He doesn't want to be with me

5 Natsu doesn't want me

6 I'm fat

7 I'm ugly

8 I'm weak

9 No one wants me

10 I am Worthless

I watched, hypnotised as the blood seeped out. It felt like I was free for a second.

 _Yeah, yeah we get the point pig, now go exercise, can't you see all that fat around your stomach?_

I got up and bandaged the scars, as the world began spinning and I blacked out...

—-

Hope you liked, reviews and criticism is welcome.

Katxo


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